The Healing Touch

I heard someone speak today about healing.

To heal means we must experience some type of hurt.

And it’s hard stuff to grapple with.

I started to wonder if to simply hurt is to take the easy way out.

Sure, not dealing with hurt will mean the pain lingers and there is little chance to heal.

But what is it that keeps us from doing the hard work that enables us to free ourselves from the hurt and alleviate the pain on our way back to a better, more seasoned version of ourselves?

She suggested today that sometimes we can be healed and made whole by the simple touch of another.

In other cases, we need to be near others. Or to be near each other to achieve that sense of wholeness.

Though we are all different.

As so are our strengths. Our ailments. Our frailties. Our superpowers.

And we may feel hurt differently. Not to mention we may be at different places in the process on that hurt-heal spectrum.

Where does our hurt come from?

How do we heal when we’re hurt?

What space do we create / design into our lives to regularly heal?

Or how might we regularly recharge, to proactively handle our hurt so it doesn’t overpower us?

I wonder what hurts more – moving from healed to hurt or hurt to healed?

Or, perhaps, I missed a question somewhere along the way?

You tell me.

I’m still trying to figure this one out myself.

Are You Okay?

I met Charles Vogl a couple months ago. I’ve been to plenty of presentations that talk about sharing ideas. I typically attend multiple in-person talks each week. I’m a lover of TED. And I was extremely impressed with the workshop he delivered one Friday afternoon.

Charles spoke about connecting to your idea and sharing that story with others in a way that was so deeply personal, that I continue to think about it off and on now almost months removed.

Have you thought about how much what you do matters to you?

How you thought about the why’s behind why it really matters to you at the core? How about why it matters to others?

This may not be for everyone, but it certainly was for me.

After the workshop, one thing lead to another, and Charles and I agreed that we’d take an adventure down to New York City for the best Chinese food America has to offer.

He was was convinced of this long ago and was eager to go back. I was curious.

We got a car. And drove to Queens. And, well, … you’ll have to give it a try for yourself.

But if you need any help, or a vote of confidence that the food is fantastic, I’d sure be happy to join you for your next meal at the New World Mall food court.

The Sunday we went down to Flushing, I was a bit late to pick up Charles. I don’t think he was psyched about it. But the first words out of his mouth were, “Are you okay?”

I had been a bit on edge, and there was more behind my being late than just being late. Though after he said that I immediately felt more at ease.

We ended up having a lovely discussion on the ride down to New York on life, love, and relationships.

Charles got me thinking how it can be the easiest thing in the world to get frustrated about something, especially with the people we love most. But, what else might be going on that we didn’t or don’t see?

In any situation, be it with someone you know or someone you don’t, you always have two choices – to be proactive or reactive.

Let me think aloud how I would describe these two choices –

To be reactive is to immediately react. That usually comes in the form of anger, criticism, or cutting commentary.

To be proactive is to seek to understand before judgement. It’s a much more empathetic approach, and a question like, “Are you okay?” is the natural starting point.

The next time you find yourself getting frustrated with someone for something, what would it take for you to choose,”Are you okay?” as the first thing you say to that person?

How might it change each of your feelings in that moment? Might it open you up to an important conversation about something that might lie a bit deeper? Or might it just make both of your days just a little bit better?